Tuesday, January 10

[shit happens] i knew something was going to be wrong. on saturday, my mum drop by ngee ann city just to see me at the roadshow. though she was sick, she still came down. she's been sick for a month. then it rained. so i went away from my duty for awhile. went to shop around with her at takashimaya. after 10mins, i went off cos i thought the rain must have stop by then. but it was still raining. so i went to search for my mum again. then 10mins again later i left cos by this time i thought that im gone from my duty for quite a while. after i left, i felt that, man, when is it going to be the next time that i will be able to accompany my mum to shop? SO, i went back to search for her... and this time, it was for 30mins. she even treated me for some snacks at auntie annies for the prietzel. after that day, her fever hit high up, vommited and can't eat. and today, she's admitted in the hospital. in bad condition but still waiting for results from the specialist. doctor said, the problem with her urinal tract has infected the kidney. and now, i really wonder, when i can really accompany her to shop again. i was really devastated today. MY TWO WEEK OLD KITTEN DIED OKAY. my brother is totally sad about it and i felt that i failed my duty to take care of the kitten and thus made my brothers very sad. i totally felt that i didnt not lead a good example to my brothers. i went to school totally moodless and yes, guys do cry okay. when im in this kind of state, please please please DO NOT TELL ME THAT YOU TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL. its not logical at all. a person can never feel what another person is feeling. a person's feeling is always complicated when he's not in the right state of mind. yes, i do appreciate that you care. and i prefer solitude whenever im in this state cos it makes me feel better. dont ask me too many questions. im physically and emotionally tired. like i said on my previous entry, if only you care about maintaining friendship, you will know what a honest friend is when u feel down. it is really true that alot of friends laugh with you, but seldom they tear with you when you're tearing. till then, goodbye. memories of our kitten. we call him 'baby' > this is when im feeding him with a bottle of milk. always cuddle him tightly to my chest. > and he likes to sleep on top of me. >

Izan blogged @ 1/10/2006 01:41:00 AM

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