Monday, August 22

it started out as a friendship. dating a girl who is single is totally a different feeling from dating someone who is already in a relationship. that happeend to me twice and never will i do that again. being single all my life, sometimes i feel that its a blessing in disguise bcos who knows that god might have something in planned for me in the future. but all the times i just felt lonely. its been almost a year now that i've got to know her. 2months after getting to know her, we dated each other. i fell in love with her but right at the start she warned me that she doesnt want any outcome from us dating. but eventually we fall for each other. but im just very inexperienced and get jealous easily. we had LOTS of great time together, took lots of pictures. but if only i could share our pictures in my blog, but its a promise that i kept. at that point of time, she just dont know what she wants. as for me, im down here waiting impatiently. soon, we quarrelled. then it became uglier. it really suck. i was really childish, seriously childish. i should have compromise and just relax. but seriously, it was stupid of me. it hurts when i think about the past and looking at my old entries. indeed, i've learnt a lesson. but today, i've got to know something, she did actually expect something from us, but it just didnt work as what we want. i'm really hurt that im not given a second chance, but its a fact that i need to face. i'm really a change person and my attitude, i dont get angry easily anymore, i take things as it is. i rather take care of a person's feeling that hurting her. its better to keep someone than losing that someone right? this past few months, i've been thinking over and over again about what i have done to her. sometimes i just call talib and break down on the phone for no apparent reasons but i lied cos actually i break down because of things that i regret saying which really hurt her in the past. i just couldnt forget it, it haunts me everytime. i guess is just too late to turn back time, i will let it be as what it is. i've tried my best but i will never give up. just giving time and space to ourselves. the only thing that keep me occupied is just by working and working. im just tired from this life. im seriously exhausted. good night and good bye for now.

Izan blogged @ 8/22/2005 11:54:00 PM

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